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I remember this time last year so very clearly. It’s the time of year that I start counting sleeps to my spring vacation and trip. And the time of year I start planning the next diet so I’ll look great in our pics.

I was watching my calories and working out regularly. I was doing everything “right”.

I was miserable. I was uncomfortable. I hated myself. Emotionally, I reached my breaking point.

After years and years and so much wasted energy I had had enough. I was done trying to lose weight. I was done letting the scale dictate how I felt about myself. I wanted out.

I wanted to live and enjoy it.

What did that mean? Well, I wanted to be active and have fun doing it. I wanted to enjoy food and not feel bad about what I ate.

So I stopped weighing myself. I started experimenting with different activities and cooking. I’m finding what I like and works for me.

I started researching health and lifestyles. No diet or quick fix fad.

It wasn’t easy to find.

After about 6 months of searching, I was about to give in and try a “healthy diet”. But one day deep, deep down in the layers of a Google^TM search result I found an article called “Why I love WeightWatchers But Would Never Go Back“.

Suddenly the world of #antidiet and #nomorediet were open to me. It was exactly what I didn’t know I needed but was looking for.

Darya Rose at Summer Tomato talks about a #healthstyle instead of a diet. She talks about her experience. She talks about willpower and what affects it. She talks about habits. She talks about the science behind everything.

It was blowing my mind. Everything I thought I knew about health was wrong. Thank God! I wasn’t crazy.

I decided to visit a dietitian. It was either that or become one. My eyes were opened and I no longer wanted to trust health labels and claims unless it came from a professional with the 4-year degree in exactly this.

That’s how I met Julia at Fundy Nutrition Consulting. She confirmed everything I was discovering was true and is helping me with my relationship with food. She is the one who suggested I start this blog.

After this first year (Jan 2016-Dec 2016) I can’t tell you if I have lost or gained weight but I can tell you:

• I don’t care. I honestly, truthfully, don’t care. It’s just a number. I’m happier not knowing.
• I now enjoy time with my friends and family fully instead of constantly battling that inner voice that told me I’d have a better time if I was smaller. I focus on who I’m with more instead of what I should and shouldn’t eat.
• I’m more balanced instead of restricted.
• I’ve started to recognize what my body needs and wants.
• I’m learning to eat for enjoyment and nourishment now instead of weight loss. I thought I loved food before but now I enjoy it.
• I’ve reduced by portions. Not to cut calories but because I’m content.
• I’m more mindful of what I eat and take my time enjoying it. Only the good and yummy stuff! Quality over quantity.
• My tastes have changed. I don’t crave junk as much as I did. I actually find I don’t like my once favorite chips anymore.
• Food is just food now. It’s not a hug or problem solver. I have a savior and it isn’t food.
• I don’t binge like I used to. And when I do, I don’t think I’ve ruined it all and go into a funk. I forgive myself and continue on.
• My body is changing.
• I am stronger than I was and have way more energy. What once seemed like mountains are surprisingly easier.
• I’m active now because it’s fun. I no longer have to do such and such to flatten my tummy.
• I feel free. This year made me realize what a prisoner I was to it all.
• I smile more. I dance more.
• I like where I’m at. I’m learning to like the body God gave me as it is now and I’m trying to treat it better.

I’m not done. I’m looking forward to what comes next.

–Photo by Dawid Zawila on Unsplash